As I revised my novel about the Rwandan genocide, Hunting the Devil, I ran across another memoir by retired Canadian Lieutenant-General and Senator, Roméo Dallaire, in which he describes his twenty year battle with PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder). I had read his first memoir, Shake Hands with the Devil: The Failure of Humanity in Rwanda. It was a wonderful resource and an inspiring, though horrific look, at the human strength, frailty and cruelty evidenced in the Rwandan Genocide.

Dallaire served as the commander of the United Nations forces in Rwanda in 1994 in which 800,000 people were killed in the span of 100 days. The book is a challenge to read because of both his personal anguish and his recollections of the sheer brutality of the genocide. The memoir alternates between his current problems of despair, sleeplessness, anxiety, and overwhelming guilt and the past with memories of his time in Rwanda. There, he witnessed—and was unable to prevent—the genocide, largely due to the limitations the United Nations placed on his mission, the lack of technical, military, and financial support.

Dallaire truly bares his soul in this heartbreaking, gut wrenching memoir. He took his feelings and was able to turn his efforts to multiple humanitarian efforts: increasing the awareness of and treatment of PTSD in Canadian soldiers, focusing on children forced to become soldiers, and human rights. His phenomenal work ethic and commitment to humanity are inspiring. One of the most compelling quotes from this book is: “Are all humans human? Or are some humans more human than others?” I truly believe Dallaire is more human—and more humane—than many of us. 

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Waiting for First Light: My Ongoing Battle with PTSD (Random House Canada, October 25, 2016) is available through:

Amazon    |    Barnes & Noble

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